Ask XIV

Anonymous: Hello. :3

uhm…hello ^///^

I’m sorry I didn’t reply in so very long. I thought that everyone had forgotten me…well, more than they already have.

My ask box is completely empty now and yet, my heart (if I had one) is so full of these misaligned memories. It is time to give them back.

Riku payed me another visit on the islands the other day and offered me a choice, though, no matter how I look at it, it feels like an ultimatum. So now I have to choose between what is right or what I would prefer. It took me a long time because, I couldn’t help but think that my friends need me, like they’d fall apart without me…I want us to always be together, but how can we, when my existence is so very wrong?

dreamingroxas: What do you dream about?

I don’t know if you’d call it a dream, but I keep having this reoccurring nightmare that I’m looking for something important, only, the more I look the less I remember what it is I’m searching for. There are heartless, endless corridors of doors and rooms, the meaner members of the Organization there and this girl, who’s all alone. Whenever I see her in my dream I’m happy, even if she tells me that I shouldn’t be. Just seeing her smile makes everything worthwhile. She says everything’s made up, that nothing in the castle was real, even though it felt it. But then she tells me that I won’t remember her when I wake up…she’s right, I can never remember her name afterwards. 

Anonymous: Every time I come to tumblr this is the first blog I check. I love Xion!

Anonymous: If you could only save Roxas or Axel, who would it be?

…Probably Roxas. Axel was able to look after himself, long before we joined the Organisation. He’s got good instincts and judgement, so I doubt he’d lose. Roxas on the other hand…well we’re just rookies, so, we need to stick together!

I’d rather not choose, because I can’t imagine spending a day without either of them…

Anonymous: KISS ROXAS NOW.

I must have been really out of it. I woke up, what felt like several hours later, in the arms of the impostor.

“You are…?” I mumbled out, still half-awake.

“Riku.” he said. It was a name that sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place where I’d heard it. “Sora’s friend.” he elaborated; I must have looked confused.

“Sora? You know Sora?” that, most definitely got my attention. He helped me up, interrupting my train of thought. I was still a bit clumsy from such a long sleep.

“Thank you. You saved me…” from my memories, I added silently, “but, I don’t know why you did.”

“Maybe I just felt like it.” He made a move as if he was leaving. His usual trick seemed to be to leave on an enigmatic statement.

“Riku, please.” I grabbed his arm. “Tell me more about Sora and that girl he’s always with.” Don’t leave. I’ve been looking for you everywhere; I’ve been looking for answers only you can give.

He stood, still as a statue for what felt like an age, deciding whether it was worth telling someone like me - someone who’s not even real; a fake. 

“You mean Kairi.” His voice shattered the spell of silence and I felt something stir within me.

“That’s right…She’s the one who looks so much like me.” It seemed like something really important was falling into place. Like chains being clasped with the lock that holds them together; making them a whole unit once more.

“To Sora, she’s someone very important.” It sounded a little like a threat. I can’t help looking like her though. I can’t help the fact that I was created.

“It’s just, I remember things about the two of them. But I’m nothing more than a puppet: something, somebody created. So, why would I have their memories?”

No, they can’t be my memories…surely, they belong to someone else. But how…how did they end up inside me? They must really miss them…

I feel as if they’re important though, as if these particular memories, real or not, are worth fighting for.

They came to me in a rush, all at once on the beach this morning. I’d woken up, expecting someone to bump me on the head and scold me for dreaming. I was half way through explaining that it wasn’t a dream, even though it was so bizarre, when I realised that there was no one there. That red haired girl was no where to be seen. And, why would she be waiting for me of all people?

I went for a walk to try and clear my head, but the memories drew closer to me, until reality became indistinguishable from them. As I walked across the bridge, it felt like I was trapped in a half forgotten scene. One that shouldn’t be remembered. I saw Zexion turn to me, questioning my expectations, saying that there was only darkness in my heart. But I don’t think I was myself in that moment…I had the appearance of the Impostor, but younger. “That’s not true!” I cried. “I remember everyone from the islands” A wave of nausea hit me. My legs turned to jelly and I fell to the ground, clutching my head in confusion, hoping that would make it stop ringing. I could see the black folds of my coat around me again. “They’re my…my closest friends…” I whimpered. 

“And who betrayed them?” He continued. “It was you who destroyed your home.” 

My appearance flickered again, as though I was nothing more than a projection of that which is feminine. I was no longer Xion. No, I was a boy. My name was Sora and this was real. I think.

I passed out and remember little after that, save for a dream, which only served to remind me of those whom I had betrayed. Axel, Roxas and I were here, on the islands, by the paopu tree where they used to sit. I was sat in the middle, where the girl always was and Axel stood to my left, refusing to sit, as though he was too wrapped in thought for comfort. The silvered haired boy used to be the same way in my stolen memories. Roxas slouched like he did, like Sora. He seems to me, to be very much like him, like an imperfect reflection of Sora. They act the same, even if he doesn’t know it. 

She? Who is that? Why do I keep remembering that girl that looks like me? Surely, these can’t be my memories, can they? I mean, why would there be two people that look so similar…?

It’s been days since I saw the Impostor and yet, with just one simple conversation, he shattered everything I thought I knew…Can I even trust in my memories…?